The Perfect Storm

One of my fellow bloggers calls it 'The Black Dog'. I personally see it as a storm. I'm talking about these periods of depression that sweep over me from time to time. They only last for a few days at a time but boy do they effect me. I don't get them often thank god and I certainly don't class myself as a depressive. I do get depressed though and it 's something I just have to get through somehow.

The Black Dog analogy is quite a good one as it is as though a Black Dog comes to visit, just sitting beside me, casting it's darkness around. After a day or so it disappears only to reappear when it's hungry. I see it as more like a storm though.

For a day before I get the familiar stillness, the odd gust of wind to warn of the impending storm. It is the calm before the storm hits. I should know by now, but when the storm does hit, I get knocked sideways by it. It seems to come out of nowhere to batter me from pillar to post. There's nothing much I can do, I just have to hang on for dear life. There is a moment when it's at it's worst though, a very set moment in time. It's the eye of the storm and It's kinda reassuring in a strange way as I know that I won't feel any worse than I do at that point. I also know that things can only get better.

It's normally the stupidest of things that triggers these episodes, but that trigger is often magnyfied to become more than what it is. This time I began to feel unbelievably lonely as I realised that I don't really have a social life. All of my insecurities about growing old before my time and dying lonely came rushing to the surface. It's stupid I know. I have a lot to be thankful for and I am thankful. It just sometimes takes me time to realise that, that's all. Or at least it takes a day within the perfect storm.