I Needed it, I Just Never Realised It.

I've had a very thought provoking few days let me tell you. I guess that a lot of it has stemed from the recent Sparkle event in Manchester. I didn't go and now I really regret that. I guess that I kidded myself that I didn't need it that maybe I was beyond it now. That was perhaps more down to naivety than anything else although if I'm being honest it was also down to a touch of denial. Obviously personal circumstances (no transport, finances, work) all played a part but I wrote the script and directed the play. I could've caught a train or bus, saved for a few months and requested the time off work. I didn't though and deep down it is sopmething I regret. On this blog I've recently said things about Sparkle and about the LGBT scene that were less than complimentary. I was wrong about alot of what I said and I guess that I was looking for excuses. Looking for reasons to stay away from all things TG. It's perhaps not a coincidence that my Blog has been neglected a little this year, especially compared to the past few years. It is also perhaps no coincidence that my posting on the support sites I'm a member of has become very rare. I've spent the past year convincing myself that I was beyond being TG. I needed to be a woman not a Transgendered woman and so I believed that I didn't need the support or the friends. I now know that I was wrong. If anything I needed the support more than ever, I needed to know that I wasn't alone and I needed the ear of people who knew what I was going through because they'd gone through it themselves.

My eyes have been opened I guess and I am really excited about getting back out and about. At Sparkle last year I met up with a girl I knew called Claire. At the time she was considering going full-time and she has since told me that talking to me helped her to make that leap. Maybe meeting me could encourage other girls to make the leap. I'm not making myself out to be some kind of messiah of the TG world, spreading the word out far and wide. It would be nice to know that I've had some effect on peoples lives though and that my positive journey has helped others.

So after a year of self imposed exile from the TG world I'm ready to return, indeed I need to return, need to remember where I came from and to give something back. This return could begin as soon as the 28th July and the next Nottingham Chameleons meeting. I'm trying to arrange for Wednesdays and Thursdays to become my days off at work which would enable me to attend these meets on a regular basis. It would also enable me to get to Manchester and maybe attend some Northern Angels meals on a monthly basis. They tend to be held on the first wednesday of the month and I know a few of the girls who attend these meals regularly. Getting to these events would also give me a social life and maybe that is at the brunt of my imminent return to the scene. I do have a severe lack of a social life and this effects my moods. Having these opportunities to get out will give me something to look forward to. The big thing that I'm hoping for though is that I can forge some new friendships within the TG community as well as renew old ones.